Jokes, funniest.

As cold water and warm iron take away the wrinkles of clothes.
A cool mind and warm heart takes out the worries of life.
Good Morning  

Ek aadmi ne 98.3 FM pe phone kiya
Man : Mujhe S.V. Road pe ek Purse mila hai jisme 15000 cash. . .ek Credit Card aur Pallavi Mishra ke naam ka ID mila hai.
Radio Jockey : Wah... Aap kitne imaandaar hain...
Kya aap unhe wo purse waapis karna chahenge. . ???
Man : Nahi!!
Main chahta hu ki Pallavi Mishra ke liye ek SAD SONG bajaya jaaye...
Wife: Wht r u doing?
Husband: Killing mosquitoes?
Wife: How many did u kill?
Husband: Total 5. Two females, 3 males.
Wife: How do u know their genders?
Husband: 2 near Mirror and 3 near Beer

🐜🐜🐜🐜🐜
How BEDROOM smells after MARRIAGE:
First 3 years....
Perfumes, Flowers, Chocolate, Fruits...
🍫🍇
After 3 years....
Baby Powder, Johnson's Cream and Lotions, Baby Oils....
👪
After 15 years....
Zandu Balm, Vicks, Iodex, Relispray....
😴
After 40 years....
Agarbatti...

**********************
Four stages of marriage: 
Mad for each other,
 Made for each other,
 Mad at each other &
😬 Mad because of each other
**********************
What's Marriage?
Answer- MARRIAGE Is The 7th Sense of Humans, that Destroys All The Six Senses and Makes The Person NON Sense..!

**********************
Definition Of Happy Couple -
HE Does What SHE Wants…
SHE Does What SHE Wants.

**********************
Wife: Dear, this computer is not working as per my command....
Husband: Exactly darling!  its a computer, not a Husband....!!

**********************
'Laughing At Your Own Mistakes, Can Lengthen Your Life."
- Shakespear
"Laughing At your Wife's Mistakes, can SHORTEN your Life...."
- Shakespear's Wife

Dont laugh alone pass it on.....👹👹
WONDERFUL DEFINITIONS :
SCHOOL :
A place where Parents pay and children play
LIFE INSURANCE :
A contract that keeps you poor all your life so that you can die Rich.
NURSE :
A person who wakes u up to give you sleeping pills.
MARRIAGE :
It's an agreement in which a man loses his bachelor degree and a woman
gains her masters..
TEAR :
The hydraulic force by which masculine willpower is defeated by feminine
waterpower.
CONFERENCE :
The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.
FATHER :
A banker provided by nature
CRIMINAL :
A person no different from the rest
....except that he/she got caught
BOSS :
Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early !!!!
POLITICIAN :
One who shakes your hand before elections and your Confidence thereafter
DOCTOR :
A person who holds your ills by pills, and kills you by bills.